Why Are Women So Stupid

OK, so it's been a while since I last blogged .. my intentions are good, yet in a way I'm scared to face my own demons, but isn't that why I started a blog in the first place, so put my thoughts (feelings) out there on paper?



So I went out with the ex tonight. The breakup was ugly and why I continue to try to want to be his friend .. I don't know. Maybe I'm more a masochist than I even realized. The night went well for the most part... easy conversation, yet the whole time I was thinking how one sided. Me asking all the questions, me digging for ... I don't even know. So the passive-agressiveness kicks in .. I blew it again.

It's so not fair sometimes. "I'm not emotionally available" .. yet you are so emotionally available for the next girl that comes along. What the fuck? Was any of it real? What were lies and what weren't? What's so awful about me? Am I that ugly? or such a bad person? I intentions are always from the heart yet they often misconstrued in ways that I could have never anticipated.

Why do I even bother trying .. life is heck of loss complicated not even trying sometimes, well at least its less complicated.

Builder the walls higher.

Blogging - Day 1

So, I promised myself after the new year I would start a blog ... I'm doing it, yes, this is what I am doing. I'm not really sure what I plan on blogging about but this is a start, right? Maybe this can be a good outlet to put my thoughts out there on paper (or virtual paper that is!) I tend to have a lot of them. About me you ask, I'm happily (?) going about my way in the city I call home, New York City. OK, maybe I'm not as happy as Id like you to think I am, but really, what is happy anyway? Are people really happy? I'm not so sure I even know what happy is or better yet, how to be happy. Hmmm, now there's something to consider. I'm an avid runner, skier, and beach junkie. Interesting when you really think about it ... all three I love, all three I love to do alone. OK, I'm loner too. There I admit it. I consider all three "my happy place". OH, how can I forget to add this .. the beach I go to is a naked beach! (I'll save that for my next blog!) What else, what else, I'm also a high maintenance friend, it's part of my charm as I like to say. I have a big heart and give a lot of myself, some think I expect too much in return. I need to work on that. Whose perfect anyway, I'm certainly not.

I love music .. live music particularly. I feel the most comfortable in my skin rocking out to the music I love. I dance like nobody's watching and music makes my heart smile. I'm sort of a hippie, though some has taken to calling me a groupie. I don't sleep with bands members, look up "fan"in a dictionary and you'll see a picture of me and a few other like minded folks I know. Consumate fans that is what we are.